Why We Want Those Who We Can’t Have and What to do about it

There are a few psychological and metaphysical reasons why you may be interested in somebody who is either not interested in you or that treats you poorly.

1. You are connecting to their soul energy, you’ve pierced through their outer layers and have gotten to a spiritual side of them that contains unconditional love. As you try to concentrate on other things, thoughts of them pop up in your mind because your energies are communicating. The problem is if on a physical level they are not as aware of this as you are, and are not interested in you in that way, they may not treat you very well or really contact you much at all. This leads me to the psychological problems that can lead to feeling “stuck” on a person.

2. When someone is busy or doesn’t take much interest in us we think that they’re more special or have more value. When someone is busy sometimes we interpret that as they’re more important, that they have more friends, and are more popular than us. We put them on a pedestal thinking they are more rare and harder to get, increasing their “scarcity“, and therefore boosting their value in our mind. This is also why someone who “breadcrumbs” you, in other words only contacts you every once in awhile, can get you addicted to them as well.

3. If you have a pattern of wanting people that are either taken or hard to actually be with in a relationship you may have a fear of your relationships failing. In other words you put yourself in a position where you never actually get together with the person so it can never really fail, thereby avoiding heartbreak, humiliation, social judgement from friends and family. You may have to face the beliefs as to why you don’t actually want to be in a real relationship due to fears of it failing. For this I recommend theta healing, which works on fears and beliefs on a subconscious level, which I can provide over distance on my website: www.mediumandreaknight.com

4. You get more of a rush mentally with dopamine when you have a roller coaster ride relationship than with a steady one. If you fantasize or are around that person for a shorter period of time you get that jolt of dopamine and then you leave them it allows you to reset so when you come back to them you get that jolt of dopamine again. To stay with them for a longer period of time where it is consistently good doesn’t give you that rush of dopamine after a period of absence.

5. Something feels unresolved or incomplete after you’ve been chasing them for a while? Maybe it feels unbalanced and you want it to feel equal. If you look up the reciprocity principal as I learned in Marketing, people feel obligated to return a favor. In this case you may have given this person a lot of attention, a lot of energetic love, and a lot of your mental time. Your brain wants something back in other words you want reciprocity. The unfortunate instance here is that you just may not get it back. What I recommend is a grief healing to get you to acceptance which I can also provide through my energy healing services on my website. www.mediumandreaknight.com

Recommendations:

1. Compartmentalize – this is a coping mechanism that helps you to focus on things like work and other areas of your life while shelving your romantic life for a while. It helps you not lose your life while you are thinking about or feeling stuck on another person.
2. Watch something that puts you in a better mood – for me this is youtube videos on comedy, interviews with mentors or animals. Get out of depression and feeling spent or empty from giving them so much love and attention and receiving little back.
3. Date other people – know you’re worth it and receive some of those compliments you are giving to someone else.
4. Work on yourself – psychologically and metaphysically, change how you see the situation. Someone treating you like crud should not be attractive and shouldn’t pull you towards them, instead know intellectually why this is happening to you by reading articles like this or books so when you encounter it you can change the situation and bring someone to you that treats you better. Go to my website, I provide theta healing which work on the fears and beliefs that sabotage you. Www.mediumandreaknight.com

Other reads:

+ Attached by Levine, Amir find at amazon.com

+ Men are from Mars and Woman are from Venus by Gray, John PhD

Why We Want Those Who We Can’t Have, Why We Want Those Who We Can’t Have

When Your Boyfriend Doesn’t Tell You How He Feels

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Photo Credit: shrinivasa sharma https://flic.kr/p/38pbxV

I do many readings for others and many of my readings are with a woman that are attracted to a guy who she keeps in good contact with but he’s not revealing his feelings enough to her verbally. Clients often ask me why they have this pattern where the man is not revealing his feelings enough in the relationship. Many times I will receive that he reveals feelings in others ways as verbal expression can be difficult depending on how he was raised.  Other ways can be acts of service, affirmations, quality time, physical gifts and longer than usual eye contact.  Check out my 5 love languages article for more on this.

 

Some of this can be explained by Attachment Theory as someone is attracted to another person who is what they call an “avoidant” and it makes the client very anxious waiting for some sort of validation of his feelings in a verbal sense.  These personality times have some psychological challenges to work through and can be a difficult partner for someone who gets anxious with separation.

The third reason that comes up is metaphysical.  If you see the same pattern come up in your life where your partners have trouble expressing emotion, law of attraction may be sending you the same person with similar patterns.  Look into your past.  How many people in your life act similarly in ways that bother you?  How much time, attention, action and feeling have you put into these people?  Many times these people were just in you life from the get go, like parents, but over the years you have put energy, thought, feeling and action into people with similar personality traits.   To manifest according to the book “The Secret” by Rhonda Bryne it helps to put thought, feeling, and action behind what you want.  According to this book the law doesn’t really discriminate “bad” versus “good” desires, if you put the energy into it it is possible to get the same thing out over and over again.  Now I do believe that spiritual forces protect us from ourselves but they do show us the same patterns as well so we can correct for it.

Some clients ask me how do I stop this pattern of being with these guys that don’t openly express their feelings. My recommendation is two fold. First reverse you’re thinking and reactions when you encounter someone who openly shows emotion. If you find yourself taking a step back in fear the problem may not be the person that is expressing themselves; it may be time to look at why you’re uncomfortable with someone showing you affection. The second recommendation is to look for either a behavioral psychiatrist who can do some sort of hypnotherapy on your subconscious or a Theta healer who essentially does the same thing but on multiple metaphysical levels including past lives, soul level, current life and genetic levels. My own Theta Healing also concentrates on the mind or mental level as well as the Akashic records. Theta healing removes the negative beliefs and fears that cause you to react this way and replaces them with something more positive and in line with what you really want.  If you’d like to look at some of my energy healing options feel free to look on my website here.   I also do psychic mediumship readings here.

Additional Reading:

The Secret” by Rhonda Bryne

Attached” by Amir Levine

Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” by John Gray

boyfriend feels, boyfriend feels, boyfriend feels